The last time someone asked me if I ever thought about getting married, I succumbed to romantic pressure, fought bowel pressure, swallowed to keep my breakfast inside and ignoring the lump that formed in my throat, I said, "Gulp.. Yeah.. Sure.. Why not"
"Aaaanndd... Sooo.. What have you thought about marriage?"
Making the most important decision of my life, I managed to say amidst a war on goose pimples, "Yeah.. Err.. I wouldn't mind getting.. Gulp.. married". Brrr..
"Ohhkkkk.. So when do you plan to get married?"
Sigh. What can I say. Some people are never satisfied. Too many strong decisions at the same time can drive a man crazy. Tying the knot, can be a very nutty knotty situation, I believe. Not that I have much experience in the area. There comes a time in every man's life when he has one desperate desire - to run. To throw his head back and to think of nothing else except put one foot in front of the other as quickly as he can and RUN like the wind.
I always imagined a deep sombre voice inspiring the likes of Carl Lewis and Maurice Greene to their 100m world records. A deep sombre voice that must have said something along the lines of, "Marriage... Maaarrriiiaaaagggeee.. Do you want to get married to me Carl? Alright. So, what about you Maurice? How about this weekend?". And our dear Carl and dear Maurice shoot off the start line with an awe inspiring, "Aaaaaaahhhhhhh....... ". Talk about secrets to success. Remember gentlemen, behind every successful man, is a woman. Our other dear Ben Johnson, I presume, did not have such a guardian angel guiding, guarding and goading him on. Pity he had to resort to steroids instead.
I am yet to meet a soul who wants to get married. I know some really nice guys, about early thirties, steady relationship for the last 5 years kinds. I know some really smart, pretty women, late twenties, steady relationship for the last 3 years kinds. I am yet to meet a soul who wants to get married.
Which is why I don't understand the phenomenon of Matrimonial websites. Apparently, I am not in sync with something that is clearly in vogue. Or maybe, I'm just not an eligible bachelor....... Actually, wait.. Lets not go down that road..
So in order to educate myself. I go to my single largest primary source of information - Wikipedia. Search for "Matrimonial Sites" and this is what I find:
" The matrimonial style of online dating is most prevalent in India, where many websites vie for clients. The larger websites have their own service centers around India. Indian marriage requirements can be very specific in religion, caste, language, and location, a need that suits Internet solutions well. For instance, there are 15 sections for different languages on the BharatMatrimony.com, Shaadi.com and on Merasathi.com. Potential brides and husbands can select from 10 different languages, 8 religions and 7 different countries."
Please.. Surely, you must be joking.
And they have a problem with Orkut. Online dating not inline with Indian culture and sentiment, they say. Offensive to Indian people, they say. Pretty much the same hassle they had with Valentine's day, I say. Or with english names to Indian streets and cities. But they're all gung ho about the white man's game - Cricket. Come on brothers, throw away the remnants of the angrezi raj, embrace the gilli danda. Three cheers for the gilli danda world cup, I say. What can I say.. May the force be with you.
Sorry. Much too much enthu. Getting back on track, the other day, at a restaurant, I couldn't help but flap my ears hard enough to hear the conversation at the next table. Evidently, an elder brother was updating his father on the travails of his younger brother.
With obviously abundant experience on this subject, he says,
"But Appa, he cannot take this personally."
"Hmmm.. ", said an obviously clueless father who would rather prefer the icky broker, constantly wiping the parachute oil oozing out of his neatly combed hair, carrying a bag under his armpit filled with photographs of young prospective brides.
"He screamed at the girl because she rejected him. I told him it is just like how he rejected other girls; other girls can also reject him. It is all in the game. In the end, someone will agree Appa. He need not get worried."
"Hmmm.."
"Take my example. I had to meet 43 women. I was also very strong in my requirements. I rejected two of them myself. But at last I met my soulmate Priya, no?"
"Hmmm.."
And thats when I figure out a little more of how this thing works. It's like window shopping. Just keep walking down the road and look at some mannequins. Even if you do like something you see, just try it on for sometime. Look in the mirror. Ask your mom how good you look. And if they're sure and you're sure, go ahead and pounce on it before someone else buys it. Of course, the shop retains the right to deny you a sale. If they do, its no big deal. There's another shop just around the corner.
So thats how we get our life partners. By shop-hopping. The world must be a really nice place. Think about the probability. Out of the zillion gazillion people in the world, you meet about a dozen. Alright, maybe two dozen. What the hell, lets say you hit a century. Excellent effort. Applause applause. Out of that 100 that you shortlisted and met, you actually found the perfect person for you. The one true love. The light of your life. Your soul mate. Your life partner. What was the probability. Congratulations. I am very glad for you.
Many thanks for the revelation. Thanks, but no thanks. I'd still prefer to do the Carl Lewis or the Maurice Greene act. Not for long, of course. My decision still holds. I will get married. Someday, someone will say "Hi Hari. How're you doing? Nice? Glad to know that.", and promptly proceed to tie up my feet, put a fully loaded gun to my forehead and politely request me to tie the knot with her. And I shall gladly, willingly oblige.
Either that could happen or....
....
......
........
Nope. Thats it. That could happen.
P.S - Now I'm wondering how some guys have multiple wives. God forbid. Shiva shiva..
"Aaaanndd... Sooo.. What have you thought about marriage?"
Making the most important decision of my life, I managed to say amidst a war on goose pimples, "Yeah.. Err.. I wouldn't mind getting.. Gulp.. married". Brrr..
"Ohhkkkk.. So when do you plan to get married?"
Sigh. What can I say. Some people are never satisfied. Too many strong decisions at the same time can drive a man crazy. Tying the knot, can be a very nutty knotty situation, I believe. Not that I have much experience in the area. There comes a time in every man's life when he has one desperate desire - to run. To throw his head back and to think of nothing else except put one foot in front of the other as quickly as he can and RUN like the wind.
I always imagined a deep sombre voice inspiring the likes of Carl Lewis and Maurice Greene to their 100m world records. A deep sombre voice that must have said something along the lines of, "Marriage... Maaarrriiiaaaagggeee.. Do you want to get married to me Carl? Alright. So, what about you Maurice? How about this weekend?". And our dear Carl and dear Maurice shoot off the start line with an awe inspiring, "Aaaaaaahhhhhhh....... ". Talk about secrets to success. Remember gentlemen, behind every successful man, is a woman. Our other dear Ben Johnson, I presume, did not have such a guardian angel guiding, guarding and goading him on. Pity he had to resort to steroids instead.
I am yet to meet a soul who wants to get married. I know some really nice guys, about early thirties, steady relationship for the last 5 years kinds. I know some really smart, pretty women, late twenties, steady relationship for the last 3 years kinds. I am yet to meet a soul who wants to get married.
Which is why I don't understand the phenomenon of Matrimonial websites. Apparently, I am not in sync with something that is clearly in vogue. Or maybe, I'm just not an eligible bachelor....... Actually, wait.. Lets not go down that road..
So in order to educate myself. I go to my single largest primary source of information - Wikipedia. Search for "Matrimonial Sites" and this is what I find:
" The matrimonial style of online dating is most prevalent in India, where many websites vie for clients. The larger websites have their own service centers around India. Indian marriage requirements can be very specific in religion, caste, language, and location, a need that suits Internet solutions well. For instance, there are 15 sections for different languages on the BharatMatrimony.com, Shaadi.com and on Merasathi.com. Potential brides and husbands can select from 10 different languages, 8 religions and 7 different countries."
Please.. Surely, you must be joking.
And they have a problem with Orkut. Online dating not inline with Indian culture and sentiment, they say. Offensive to Indian people, they say. Pretty much the same hassle they had with Valentine's day, I say. Or with english names to Indian streets and cities. But they're all gung ho about the white man's game - Cricket. Come on brothers, throw away the remnants of the angrezi raj, embrace the gilli danda. Three cheers for the gilli danda world cup, I say. What can I say.. May the force be with you.
Sorry. Much too much enthu. Getting back on track, the other day, at a restaurant, I couldn't help but flap my ears hard enough to hear the conversation at the next table. Evidently, an elder brother was updating his father on the travails of his younger brother.
With obviously abundant experience on this subject, he says,
"But Appa, he cannot take this personally."
"Hmmm.. ", said an obviously clueless father who would rather prefer the icky broker, constantly wiping the parachute oil oozing out of his neatly combed hair, carrying a bag under his armpit filled with photographs of young prospective brides.
"He screamed at the girl because she rejected him. I told him it is just like how he rejected other girls; other girls can also reject him. It is all in the game. In the end, someone will agree Appa. He need not get worried."
"Hmmm.."
"Take my example. I had to meet 43 women. I was also very strong in my requirements. I rejected two of them myself. But at last I met my soulmate Priya, no?"
"Hmmm.."
And thats when I figure out a little more of how this thing works. It's like window shopping. Just keep walking down the road and look at some mannequins. Even if you do like something you see, just try it on for sometime. Look in the mirror. Ask your mom how good you look. And if they're sure and you're sure, go ahead and pounce on it before someone else buys it. Of course, the shop retains the right to deny you a sale. If they do, its no big deal. There's another shop just around the corner.
So thats how we get our life partners. By shop-hopping. The world must be a really nice place. Think about the probability. Out of the zillion gazillion people in the world, you meet about a dozen. Alright, maybe two dozen. What the hell, lets say you hit a century. Excellent effort. Applause applause. Out of that 100 that you shortlisted and met, you actually found the perfect person for you. The one true love. The light of your life. Your soul mate. Your life partner. What was the probability. Congratulations. I am very glad for you.
Many thanks for the revelation. Thanks, but no thanks. I'd still prefer to do the Carl Lewis or the Maurice Greene act. Not for long, of course. My decision still holds. I will get married. Someday, someone will say "Hi Hari. How're you doing? Nice? Glad to know that.", and promptly proceed to tie up my feet, put a fully loaded gun to my forehead and politely request me to tie the knot with her. And I shall gladly, willingly oblige.
Either that could happen or....
....
......
........
Nope. Thats it. That could happen.
P.S - Now I'm wondering how some guys have multiple wives. God forbid. Shiva shiva..
4 comments:
Marry me :) Hahaha.
Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh !!!! :)
ha ha!!:D:D
Ha ha ha ... too good a post ! Loved it...:-)!
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